Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
