are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
