I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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