I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
