whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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