I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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