If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize