it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
