when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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