it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
