my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
