Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
