do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
