ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
