hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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