a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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