I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
