I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
