How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
