In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my being single is dangerous.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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