My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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