How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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