Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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