It's Friday. Sex?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
