Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
