Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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