Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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