he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
