im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
