Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
