I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
