I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
