This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
