whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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