I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
