i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize