someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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