The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
only if we run a train.
done.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
