At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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