I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My bed smells like the plague
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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