I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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