whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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