Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
