dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i've created a new STD.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
