I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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