I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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