the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
