Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she looked like the before picture.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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