well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize