She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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