glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
