She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
