If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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