4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize