My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
