why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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