So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
