sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
