5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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