3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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