so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize