someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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