batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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