If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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