Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im part way to drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
