Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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