that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
