Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
