I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
