i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
