I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize