So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize